23 and Rethinking Life’s Decisions…

Being stressed out is the worst feeling. Especially when you don’t have a clue as to why you’re so stressed. I’m not in school anymore, so I’m not forgetting a homework assignment or a major exam (though I still occasionally have those I-forgot-to-study-now-I’m-gonna-fail-this-test-and-flunk-out-of-school nightmares). My job is a call center; I literally have nothing to do but sit and wait for the phone to ring (and it rarely does). I’m single! Er . . . well . . . sort of . . . I mean, I may be in a relationship, I may not be . . . ? . . . We won’t put any labels on it just yet. Aw, hell, at least he’s not whining and nagging me about why I don’t call him everyday like the last one. Sheesh! (Note to self: Although you really want to see Sanaa Lathan’s new movie The Perfect Guy, do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to relive that nightmare for the sake of watching a good film and, might I add, sexy actors.)

All of that aside, I feel like I’m just not doing enough with my life, and maybe that’s why I’m so stressed. I’m not in love with my job, but I can’t seem to get even an interview anywhere else. I’ve plateaued on my weight loss goals for this year because I just can’t give up fries and Chinese food. So much for loosing 30 lbs. by October (maybe I’ll try for Christmas?). While my writing is going well and I’m adding to my published works list (yay!), I haven’t had time to sit down and write anything new or submit some of my still unpublished works to new magazines. And going back to jobs, I do more work on this blog, editing articles for my church magazine, and managing my own literary-arts magazine online than I do at my actual job. In fact, I do most of my miscellaneous projects while at work waiting on the phone to never ring.

This 9 to 5 life is not for me. I’ve actually considered going back into fast food. I’d meet more people, find better inspiration for my stories, and I’d be less tired when I get off work. Contrary to what you may think, it is physically draining sitting at a desk in front of a computer doing absolutely nothing all day. From what I’ve experienced so far, Corporate America is not fun at all. I’m too much of a free spirit to be confined to a white-collar desk job my whole life. And to all those entry-level positions wanting 3-5 years experience, guess which finger I’m holding up.

Honestly, I get more excitement from McDonald’s at noon than I do the office any time of the day. If only they paid their workers a livable freaking wage! The cost of living in this country is too damn high for people to only be making $7/hr.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in this world who feels like life shouldn’t be all about work. My freshman year in college during orientation, a published author (his name eludes me at the moment) spoke to us about the importance of following our dreams. You’re broke college students, he told us, why are you worried about making money right now? Major in your passion, and the money will come. Well, now I’m a broke college graduate (two years post graduation) deep in student loan debt, still living at home, and can’t seem to find  job in my passion. What am I to do? Since I can’t find that job, I’ll make it. Whether that means starting a freelance editing service, creating a HubPage, publishing my first book through Amazon, or opening my own book store (please tell me there’s someone out there other than me who loves that smell of clean, crisp pages when they open a new book).

It’s so easy for us to settle for that loathsome day-to-day job just for the sake of making a little cash. I don’t want to lose myself and my love for my craft just because society says I need a job, and I need to pay taxes, and I need to blah, blah, blah. My brother up and moved to California for a business venture. It’s time I started making my passion a business too. And maybe I’ll do a minimum wage job on the side just for the hell of it. The pay sucks, but the environment is friendlier, warmer, and more welcoming (usually).

The Circle K is hiring. Hey, why not?

This post was brought to you by (you can tell I watched Sesame Street as a kid, right?) the following Write or Die Wednesday prompt…


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15 thoughts on “23 and Rethinking Life’s Decisions…

  1. Don’t quit. Don’t stop working towards your dream. It will happen. You only fail when you give up. Otherwise, you’re still working towards it.
    I am excited you already have published work at 23. Most writers don’t have success right out the bat.
    I love your blog and I’ll be following you now and checking out your literary magazine. I’m inspired by everything you’re doing to make your dream come true. Keep it up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think my love for what I do is what keeps me motivated. Even if I don’t always get the results I want, I would die if I ever stopped trying! Thanks so much for the encouragement and for the follow!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. By “sexy actors” are you referring to Micheal Ealy? If so, BACK OFF. hehe 🙂

    Oh, I feel you, Nortina! I don’t do very well with the rat race either (or, the snail race if that’s what you’d prefer to call it). I think about how many hours of one’s life goes into lining someone else’s pockets and it makes me cringe.

    At the same time, when I was teaching and working to the bone, I often fantasized about an “easy” sit-at-my-desk-all-day kind of job, where I could read, write or draw and no one would bother me. I was utterly exhausted. It just wasn’t worth all the stress and anxiety I incurred for a meager teacher’s salary. And as much as teachers are supposedly revered in this country (ha!), the work left me feeling demeaned and downtrodden (administration will do that to ya!).

    All that to say I’m freaking 34 years old and as bamboozled as you. Though, you have plenty of time to figure it out 🙂

    Plus, you –at 23– are steadily working toward something substantial. If I had started building a portfolio as early as you have, who knows what I’d be doing right now! YOU GOT THIS, GIRL!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww man. I’ll take Morris Chestnut then. He’s not a bad second choice 🙂
      For a very short time, I wanted to be a teacher, but I live in a state that doesn’t give jack crap about teachers…NC. We have schools from different states coming here to recruit our teachers all the time. It’s laughable and pathetic.
      Sometimes I forget that I’m only 23 and that I have plenty of time to figure things out. I guess when your mom threatens to kick you out the house at least twice a month, you start to worry. Haha!
      Thanks for the confidence boost. And good luck on your quest to find a meaningful job. Trust me, that sit-at-my-desk-all-day- kind of job is not all it’s cracked up to be!


  3. I can absolutely relate to this post! I struggle so hard with the 9-to-5 as well. I don’t think it’s conducive to wellness and creativity – at least for me. I feel stifled. I feel burnt out. I feel stressed. I hate it!!! But – bills. BLAH. I love this post, thank you so much for linking up with us!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Nortina, I understand how you feel – not being able to get a job doing what you love. But, I can tell you this with certainty, it will come. It will come. Be patient and do what you plan on doing until then. I agree, with the cost of living as high as it is in the U.S. $7 an hour job just doesn’t cut it. I would love to see you publish a book, even if it’s just a book of short stories! You are an excellent writer! (How many people can put “published author” on their resume’?) It is a terrible feeling to be stressed and not know what you are stressed about but I think you have figured out what you are stressed about. It will get better. I promise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for the encouragement, Joy! I like that title, “published author”! Makes me feel like I’m part of an exclusive club! I definitely aim to publish a book soon. I already have several ideas for a book of short stories. Now I just have to quit stressing and sit down and write!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I do love the smell of actual books, goodness yes, old or hot off the press!

    I can see why you want to work someplace more active. I’m not in the mode of advice giving, but I think it’s relatively important to be occupied and active at work. It’s too much of the day to be sat at a desk, bored. My favorite jobs were banking and retail, because diversity and learning. I loved teaching, but it was exhausting, even at your age. Adult interaction is valuable.
    Job prospects are horrendous. Keep looking, and for the love of puppies, keep writing! You’re a phenomenal writer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Finding the perfect job is definitely hard work. It’s a job itself. Hopefully I’ll find a place where I can at least hear people talk very soon. And yes, I’ll keep writing. I’ll do it for the puppies! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds like what we really need is a vacation. I’m thinking the beach. It’s a little late in the year, but at least there will be less people! Thanks for the encouragement, and hopefully, you can find a way to overcome your stress too!


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