Fishing Trip

He wanted to take her fishing for their second date. Her mother didn’t like it.

“You’ll be out in the middle of the ocean where there’s no cellphone reception, and nobody around for miles to help you if something happens.”

“The weather is supposed to be calm.”

“I’m not worried about rough seas, but a rough man.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“Men don’t rush relationships like women do. He barely knows you. What’s he got up his sleeve?”

“You worry too much.”

The next morning, he picked her up before the sun. They were on the water by dawn.

“You wanna show me how to do this?” She struggled to string the fishing pole.

“We got plenty of time for that.” He took the pole, laid it down. “I thought we’d do something else.” He put his arms around her, kissed her neck. “We’re finally alone. No overbearing mother watching.” He kissed her collarbone, pressed his groin against her hip.

She took her phone from her pocket.

Searching for a signal.

word count: 169

—Nortina


 

In this challenge, I wanted to focus on dialogue. Have the characters words propel the story instead of just my narration.

This is in response to Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: write a short story in 100 – 150 words (give or take 25 words) using the provided photo prompt. Click the froggy icon to read other stories at add your own.

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “Fishing Trip

  1. As soon as I finished reading your story the song “Mother Knows Best” came into mind. Then as I’m scrolling down on the comments I see I’m not the only one that thought of it lol. It surely does happen, mother’s always know but when we are young we don’t believe it until we become mothers. Great story and nice dialogue 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was wondering if I needed the dialogue tags in the beginning. I tried to distinguish the voices between the mother and daughter without adding to my word count with the tags. Lol. Thanks for the feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I liked it. As I was reading your story and another romance story gone wrong it occurred to me that seems to be a little bit of a theme with some of the flash fiction. I can relate to your character when I was younger, sometimes we get ourselves into situations with guys were not prepared for, or had no idea that such expectations from him awaited us.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The unfortunate thing I think is that is very true about a lot of guys. They do have ulterior motives or unrealistic expectations like sleep with on the first date even though you don’t really know me lol

        Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s interesting that she pulled out her cell phone (in case she’ll need assistance) instead of immediately speaking up about her concerns or disinterest in his desires. She doesn’t seem as comfortable with him as she’d thought; or maybe her mother’s words are weighing too heavily on her mind. Having no signal isn’t helping the situation at all — should I start singing “Mother Knows Best”? (Lol) Her date might not be a “rough man,” but he certainly has tricks up his sleeve. This is a great piece, very thought-provoking. And I love how you successfully “propelled the story” with just dialogue!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Is that like your mama? LOL I apologize for sending my FFfAW post out of the Flash Fiction site. That was an accident. I use Blogsy and I had forgotten to switch the blogs from the FFfAW back to Beautiful Words.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I remember when my daughter was a sophmore in high school she was dating a boy and they would fight a lot. One day he called and I got on the phone and told him to stop calling my daughter because all you do is make her cry! Haha! lol

        Liked by 1 person

Don't Keep It to Yourself. Write It Down!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s