He wanted to take her fishing for their second date. Her mother didn’t like it.
“You’ll be out in the middle of the ocean where there’s no cellphone reception, and nobody around for miles to help you if something happens.”
“The weather is supposed to be calm.”
“I’m not worried about rough seas, but a rough man.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Men don’t rush relationships like women do. He barely knows you. What’s he got up his sleeve?”
“You worry too much.”
The next morning, he picked her up before the sun. They were on the water by dawn.
“You wanna show me how to do this?” She struggled to string the fishing pole.
“We got plenty of time for that.” He took the pole, laid it down. “I thought we’d do something else.” He put his arms around her, kissed her neck. “We’re finally alone. No overbearing mother watching.” He kissed her collarbone, pressed his groin against her hip.
She took her phone from her pocket.
Searching for a signal.
word count: 169
—Nortina
In this challenge, I wanted to focus on dialogue. Have the characters words propel the story instead of just my narration.
This is in response to Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: write a short story in 100 – 150 words (give or take 25 words) using the provided photo prompt. Click the froggy icon to read other stories at add your own.
Great dialogue! I enjoyed your story and thought the ending was great. The last sentence really gets the reader wondering what happened next.
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As soon as I finished reading your story the song “Mother Knows Best” came into mind. Then as I’m scrolling down on the comments I see I’m not the only one that thought of it lol. It surely does happen, mother’s always know but when we are young we don’t believe it until we become mothers. Great story and nice dialogue 🙂
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I thought the dialogue was good since that was your focus. I was just confused who was talking in the beginning and could’ve used some dialogue tags. Otherwise good job!
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I was wondering if I needed the dialogue tags in the beginning. I tried to distinguish the voices between the mother and daughter without adding to my word count with the tags. Lol. Thanks for the feedback!
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It seems that Mama was right. I hope the poor girl gets out of this situation. Perhaps she’ll listen to Mama in future. 🙂
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Well written Nortina! For once Mama was right ~ I wonder if she got a signal? ~ 🙂
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Mama’s know best!
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I loved the subtly of your language Nortina. Very cleverly done.
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When will children learn that mother knows best!?
Oh..I know..when they become mothers.
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Moving a story forward through dialogue can be tricky, but you did a great job. Successful experiment 🙂
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I liked it. As I was reading your story and another romance story gone wrong it occurred to me that seems to be a little bit of a theme with some of the flash fiction. I can relate to your character when I was younger, sometimes we get ourselves into situations with guys were not prepared for, or had no idea that such expectations from him awaited us.
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Exactly. I think my fiction tends to explore that gray area of romance, especially when it comes to guys and their ulterior motives.
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The unfortunate thing I think is that is very true about a lot of guys. They do have ulterior motives or unrealistic expectations like sleep with on the first date even though you don’t really know me lol
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So true!
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It’s interesting that she pulled out her cell phone (in case she’ll need assistance) instead of immediately speaking up about her concerns or disinterest in his desires. She doesn’t seem as comfortable with him as she’d thought; or maybe her mother’s words are weighing too heavily on her mind. Having no signal isn’t helping the situation at all — should I start singing “Mother Knows Best”? (Lol) Her date might not be a “rough man,” but he certainly has tricks up his sleeve. This is a great piece, very thought-provoking. And I love how you successfully “propelled the story” with just dialogue!
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Thanks for the feedback, and yes! Please sing Mother Knows Best! I’ll sing it with you! Lol
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XD
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I love the last line!
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I loved Mother’s “rough seas… rough man” response! To bad her “scum radar” did not work at picking up this rich clown!
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Nice one! I know a few girls who would brave rough seas for the sake of some privacy 🙂
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OOOuuu I really like this! Great story! Hope she can find a signal. (I have a feeling her mama might be on the shore waiting for them. LOL)
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One can only hope. 🙂
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That’s true! Maybe she will rent a speed boat and go find her. 🙂
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Haha! Now that sounds like Mama!
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Is that like your mama? LOL I apologize for sending my FFfAW post out of the Flash Fiction site. That was an accident. I use Blogsy and I had forgotten to switch the blogs from the FFfAW back to Beautiful Words.
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My mom would definitely do something like that. & no biggie, I figured that was what happened.
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I remember when my daughter was a sophmore in high school she was dating a boy and they would fight a lot. One day he called and I got on the phone and told him to stop calling my daughter because all you do is make her cry! Haha! lol
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I bet he was the one crying after that encounter! 😀
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Almost! He started being a lot nice to her. lol
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