We took the ferry to Ocracoke Island on the Outer Banks. James laid a towel over the warm sand and spread out our picnic feast—fried turkey breast, macaroni and cheese, buttery biscuits, coleslaw.
The seagulls circled over our heads. The wind gusts blew sand into our food so that we couldn’t enjoy it without grinding our teeth on tiny grains.
It was impossible to eat, so he took me to the water’s edge and lowered himself on one knee. Surprised, I stumbled backward and cut my heel on a sea urchin.
It was the clumsiest marriage proposal ever.
word count:99
—Nortina
Part of Friday Fictioneers: write a complete story in 100 words using the provided photo prompt. I had no idea what this week’s photo was. I guess Marie Gail Stratford wanted to challenge our imaginations. All I can say is that the spikes made me think of sea urchins.
A really memorable time, and humorous. It was really sweet, realistic, and well done, Nortina. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Dear Nortina,
I could feel the sand between my teeth. Nicely done with a sweet ending. Love the title.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I love that you looked at the picture and thought sea urchin 🙂
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I loved how he put together a picnic lunch and spread the blanket on the sand – so romantic and sweet. 🙂
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Sea urchins. I see that now. I love how everyone sees something different.
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Yes, yes is the right answer! Did you get to eat the little sea urchin. I understand they are delicious.
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I loved the ‘grinding teeth on tiny grains’ phrase, that makes it so realistic. This is certainly a proposal never to be forgotten. 🙂
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The whole thing will make a great story in future years, even though it was a bit painful now (in more ways than one.) But I could see this happening, romance gone wrong through not enough reality planning. 🙂
janet
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Well I loved it. No criticism from me!
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Dear Nortina, Every proposal is memorable and years from now they will tell their story and people will love this tale! Good job and funny! Nan 🙂
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You did a great job of taking me there… vivid description. My first thought when I read “spread out our picnic” was – Its too windy to picnic on Okracoke. 😛 I agree with Lisa (waitingforaname) that the last seven words could have told us something more. Love the title… makes me wonder what comes after.
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Thanks for the feedback!
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As a fan of down-to-earth love stories, I adored this. On a constructive criticism note, you could have made better use of your last line. “It was the clumsiest marriage proposal ever” doesn’t communicate anything we don’t already know (because you did a great job showing us how clumsy it was). I’d rather have seen a continuation, maybe her trying to say “Yes” as he’s helping her balance on her good foot or something.
But, really… I loved it! 🙂
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Thanks! The critique is also helpful 🙂
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I think your response was excellent. AND you made the point that a marriage proposal is what memories you make – together
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